To follow in death
by SW
Summary: When you lose it all there is nothing left. Goku makes a decision
1. To follow in death

To follow in death

To follow in death

By SW

*** Depressing suicidal stuff ok? I warned you! Very violent! Was inspired by Angelfeathers last fic actually….^_^;;;;; U have been warned!*******

He looked about the area coldly, there was no one left to kill. Clothes soaked in yokkai blood, mingling with his own as well as…Sanzo's blood. The bodies were littered around him, eyes staring into nothing. Dead they were all dead, he killed them, because they killed him. They killed Sanzo…But there was no one left to kill. Dropping to the ground, he stared at the lifeless body.

Wiping the blood off one hand, he brought it to the bloodless skin. Stroking the pale face with the clean fingers. Reflecting upon what he should do next. He could take of the limiter go off and continue to kill, until someone took his life. Or he could end it, end the pain. It felt like someone had ripped out his heart, part of his soul leaving a gapping hole in its place. Cradling the broken body, pressing Sanzo against him. Continuing to stroke the priests cheek and hair. Why did Hakkai and Gojyo have to leave? They would return soon, only to find the campsite covered in bodies and blood. Reaching down he found Sanzo's gun, checking the chamber of the colt. Five bullets left, five chances to die. Idly he tested the weight of it, the barrel of it gleamed in the afternoon light. A small grim smile flirted across his lips. What was worth living for? The man he lived for was dead, it seemed like the obvious choice. He could follow Sanzo in death, his savoir. Goku rested his cheek against the blond hair, hugging the limp body. Pressing his lips against the top of Sanzo's head. His mouth forming quite words that were lost in the wind. Drawing back he placed the gun calmly in his mouth, tilting the cold metal to the roof of his mouth. 

There was a bang that echoed through the woods. The boy slumped forward, collapsing over the body he held. And there was nothing….Eyes fell shut for a last time. 

" Ai shiteru Sanzo Ai shiteru……"

****cowers in corner* Ah ha… um…….I warned you?? ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;; That was pretty scary -_- ********

Note: Ai shiteru means "I love you"


	2. Lost

Eyelids fluttered open, groggy violet orbs opened slowly

To follow in death 

Part 2 ~ Lost

By SW

**Ok decided to add to this one****

Eyelidsfluttered open, groggy violet orbs opened slowly. Groaning, his whole body ached. Idly he wondered what was on top of him. He blinked a few times, looking confused. "Goku? Hey baka zura! Get up will yah?" The boy was holding him, doubled over till his head rested on Sanzo's stomach.The priest growled in frustration, the kid wasn't getting up. He shoved Goku's shoulder, sending the boy falling backwards. And remained unmoving, Sanzo struggled to his feet. Massive blood loss was making his head spin. "What the hell is wrong?! Get up!.....G-Goku?" His voice wavered, something wasn't right. He moved closer leaning over the sprawled figure. "Goku...." He dropped back to the ground besides him. The slightly parted lips were stained red, trails of blood ran down the boys chin and neck. Sanzo's hands shook slightly as he supported the limp neck, he ran a hand through the blood-matted hair. Looking desperately for some sign of head wound. Violet eyes dilated slightly, and the tremors in his hands increased. An exit hole, there was an exit hole. Eyes falling upon the boy's hand, lifeless fingers were loosely wrapped about the familiar gun. "G-Goku........" Before he knew what was happening he had lost conciseness again. 

Hakkai chatted with Gojyo, laughing quietly as they drove. As they entered the clearing Jeep pulled to a stop. "What the hell?!" Gojyo's startled yell caused him to look up. And his mouth hung open as he took in the site that lay before them. Hordes of yokkai littered the ground, blood splattered everywhere. It looked like something from a horror movie, the corpses ripped and mangled. It seemed too gruesome to have been done by a human, like the work of an animal. "Sanzo! Goku?!" The half-breed started yelling, looking panicked. He leapt out of the vehicle followed by Hakkai. Two familiar forms in the center of the massacre, lying next to each other.Feet kicking up dirt as they ran toward their friends, both kneeling besides them. Hakkai checked Sanzo's neck, smiling in relief. "He's alright! How's Goku?" He turned toward Gojyo when he didn't respond. "Nani? Gojyo?" The half-breeds face was chalk white, and he turned abruptly. Clamping a hand over his mouth, his stomach threatening to hurl its contents. Hakkai felt a rush, his voice unsure. "W-whats wrong? Come on! Goku's fine right?" He tired to laugh, but was unsuccessful. "H-hes dead...." Gojyo managed out after a moment. The brunette's mouth opened and closed, unable to form words. Desperately he felt the boy's neck for a pulse.....Nothing there was no flutter of moment, the body cold.

Sanzo opened his eyes and looked about, finding himself in a field of flowers. The sky was a blinding shade of blue, a child's laughter came from the side. A smaller and younger Goku bounded towards him. The child was wearing the same clothes he had found him wearing back at the cave. The boy flung his arms out his waist hugging him. "Konzen! Look I got these for you!" A small hand held up a bunch of reddish flowers. "Domo Goku." Sanzo or rather Konzen smiled down at the child. Closing his eyes for a moment, once they slid open once more. He noticed it was the older Goku he knew who was holding him. While he was once more wearing his customary black sleeveless shirt and robes. 

"Sanzo! Come on we gotta go! Hakkai and Gojyo are waiting for us!" The boy tugged at his arm, a dazzling smile rooted on the young face. The priest allowed himself to be pulled along. "Can't it wait?" He asked, his usually stoic expression replaced by a warm smile. "No! They're waiting!" Goku pointed, to the too older demons standing a good 10 feet ahead. Being pulled further by their interlinked arms, Goku trudge on. Abruptly the boy stopped when they had almost reached their comrades. "Oi Sanzo I have to go!" The yokkai boy slipped free of the priests arm. "Goku? Where are you going?" He reached for the boy, trying to grasp the retreating arm. "I'll be back….They are calling me." The brown head turned towards a white hole that had appeared before him. "MATTE! Goku?? Aren't you coming with me?" The priest was growing increasingly distraunt, he had a bad feeling. Goku looked over his shoulder, a peaceful smile present. And warm golden pools looked back at him. "I always be with you…But I have to go….Ai shiteru Sanzou." Sanzo rushed after him, but his hand passed through the phantom Goku. "Matte! Matte! Goku?!" His voice staining, as he swiped vainly. The soft words floated back to him, as the form began to dissipate, melting into the white light. "Hakkai and Gojyo are waiting." And he was gone, leaving Sanzo sitting in the field with his arm outstretched. He could hear his name being called from behind. "Goku……" The faintest hint of moisture collecting at the corners of violet eyes. 

***** OH HO HO HO HO!!!!!!!! Thought he was dead didn't you?! *********


	3. Nande?

To follow in death

To follow in death

Part 3 ~ Nande?

By SW

** The continuation of this whole thing is due to Von's many many death threats that had me cowering behind my desk. *****

Sanzo sat up, mumbling a few curses he swiped at his eyes. Wiping away at the gathering tears. He let out a shaky breath, running the back of his hand against his sweaty forehead. "Just a dream…." He mumbled, relaxing his body. He looked around the unfamiliar room, where the hell was he anyway? 

Hakkai sank down next to Gojyo, letting out a stressed sigh. "Why did he do it?" Gojyo shook his head slightly. The boy was laid out on a blanket, Hakkai had cleaned up the blood. "I don't know……but what do we do now?" He muttered, leaning on his elbows at the table. Both lifted their heads when they heard the door swing open. Hakkai resembling a deer caught in front of a pair of headlights, Gojyo looking panicked. Sanzo glared at them, a cigarette between his lips. "Where's the monkey?" The two yokkai's tried to make their mouths form words, two sets of eyes glancing to the covered form on the floor. The priest's eyes widened, and the cancer stick fell from his mouth. He walked/stumbled over to the body, dropping to the floor. His shoulders tensed, and a small shakes ran down the lanky body. "It wasn't a dream....." He mumbled more to himself then his deathly quiet friends. "He shot himself ne?" Sanzo asked quietly. "Uh hai..." Came the brunette's tentative answer. "Give me the gun." The priest demanded, he remained sitting with his back to them. Hakkai glanced at Gojyo, who shook his head. "Um you don't need it right now...W-Why don't you go get some sleep?"It was nearly impossible to tell what was going through the blond's head, and returning the weapon didn't seem like a terribly good idea. "Get out." He snapped, the shaking had increased. Gojyo stood and genitally pulled Hakkai after him, closing the door of their room. 

Hakkai leaned against the door, sighing once more. An ever-present smile on his face. "Is it a good idea to leave him alone?" The half-breed nodded. "He needs time to himself." The brunette wrung his hands, fighting back tears once more. "Stop it." Hakkai blinked looking at the hand on his shoulder. "Stop what?" "Smiling....I hate it when you smile like that...Cry if you have to damn it! But don't smile!" A choked sob rose in the green-eyed yokkai's throat. He leaned his head against Gojyo's shoulder, the smile faded. Clenching the fabric of the half-breeds shirt in his hand. Letting go of his control, he let the tears fall. And was hugged in return by Gojyo, who did his best to comfort his friend. 

Sanzo lifted the lifeless form that had once been Son Goku, he cradled it in his arms.He tilted his head back staring at the ceiling, like he could see past it. "Nande?! Nande?!!? Why did you take him away?!?!?"Sanzo cried in fury and in pain, cursing the heavens above. Screaming his loss to the cruel gods. He cried until his voice cracked and no longer had the energy to lift his head. He hadn't shed a single tear...

Gojyo pressed his ear to the door, Turning back to Hakkai. "He stopped yelling...Should we check on him?" The green-eyed yokkai nodded, opening the door. "Hai, that would probably be best." Glancing into the room, assured Hakkai that Sanzo hadn't done anything irrational. The priest was still very much alive, sitting hunched over the still form. The blond jerked when a hand was placed on his shoulder. "Sanzo, go get some more sleep." Between the two yokkai's they managed to get an unwilling Sanzo back into his room. Deciding it would be safer if they locked the door. "We removed everything that was breakable, poison ness and sharp right?" The half-breed asked, casting an uneasy glance at the only thing that was keeping the monk from getting out of the room. "Hai, anything that I thought he might be able to use was removed. Gojyo sighed leaning back against the wall. "Well I know I'll sleep better tonight." Hakkai just nodded in reply. 

The blond in question moved about his room like a caged animal. Snarling quietly, looking for anything to lash out at. He gave up after awhile of seemingly ceaseless pacing, sinking back down upon the bed. He let his eyes fall shut; maybe things would be clearer when he woke up.

~ It was like he was looking through another person's eyes, he could see Goku hugging his body. Scattered about them were the numerous yokkai who had attacked them.There was no sound, every thing was muted. He couldn't even hear the words the boy spoke to the monk in his arms, reaching down and picking up the gun. Placing it in his open mouth….No…no…he couldn't be watching….No!…Not that! …He couldn't watch Goku take his own life. The boys face was so calm, like there was nothing wrong. The trails of tears snaking down the tan cheeks contradicted the boy's appearance. Gold pools held more sadness and desperation then he could remember seeing. During the same instant the boy pulled the trigger, he saw the twitch of the priest's eyelids. For that one bleak instant the boy knew his companion was alive, for the brief moment the golden orbs reflected remorse. But it was too late, in a flash all emotion was gone from those eyes. As they went blank in death, Goku's body fell forward. The only sound he heard was the ringing of the gunshot. Limply the messy brown head fell upon the priest's chest, blood dripping down to join the rest that soaked the robes. ~

Sanzo's eyes shoot open, shuddering he rolled into a ball. Wrapping his arms about himself, he tried to hide from the cold that filled him. Allowing himself for a few moments to shake with the sobs that escaped his lips. 

"Nande?…….nande……"

****Alrightly this part is done! *victory sign* Geeze this is what? The 2nd time I killed Goku!? How?! why?! I luv Goku!!!!!!!WAAAAH! I dun wanna kill Goku!!!!****

Notes: Nande means why  
  



	4. Heavenly intervention

AThe brown haired man catiously put his head into the room, spotting the priest who was sitting with his back to him

To follow in death 

~Part 4 ~Heavenly intervention 

By SW

*** *Huddled in corner* Dun kill me! It's not all my fault. *Points finger at hyper Von* She made me write more!

A the brown haired man cautiously poked his head into the room, searching for signs of life. He quickly spotted the priest who was sitting with his back to him. "Sanzo! Breakfast is ready!" The smiling young man stepped inside and placed the tray on the table. "I thought you might wan-" He was cut off. "Get out" Hakkai took a step back. "Um ok! I'll just leave that for you…" Closing the door behind him. 

"So you think he's going to eat?" The half-breed asked, removing the cigarette he had been smoking. Hakkai shook his head, as he began remove the dishes from the counter. "I don't know…He didn't even turn to face me." Brushing bangs out of his eyes. "We have to keep moving…Mourning has to come later he have a job to finish." Gojyo smiled sadly, noticing how it pained his companion to say such a thing."Hai…But what do we do about Sanzo?" Groaning the brunette sat down in a chair. "I don't know! He's so with drawn. He doesn't seem very…stable right now…""Yeah that's one way of putting it." Hakkai shoot the half-breed an exasperated look, who in turn held up his hands in defense. "This is serious!!! What are we going to do? If he's like this we can't depend on his help in a fight. And with Goku gone…" He made a choked noise, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "This is going to be impossible…The two of us can't do this alone!" Gojyo reached across the counter top, grasping Hakkai's hand. "Come on… We'll figure something out." Giving him a reassuring smile. "Hai…"

The impassive blond stared silently out the window, the only thing that could make the picture complete would be if it were raining. He willed himself not to turn toward the chair, he didn't want to see the objects that lay there. He cursed as he found himself facing it, resting there was a heavy gold band and a red staff. An unsteady hand reached for it, abruptly he turned away once more. No he wouldn't touch it, he wouldn't even look at it. Tired eyes closed for a moment, he returned to looking through the pane of glass. He wouldn't think about it, thinking about it made the pain worsen. Ice, cold, unfeeling….Don't think….Don't think…

Bosatsu frowned this wasn't suppose to happen, she glanced at the boy who sat nearby. This was going to hard to correct. "You've caused a lot of trouble for me…" Goku hung his head, giving her a kicked puppy look. "Gomen…" She sniffed indigently, returning to her chair. "Well you should be! I can't just go around resurrecting people you know!" Goku sulked, staring holes through the floor. It wasn't suppose to turn out this way, he was suppose to be with Sanzo. Not sitting up here being lectured for being an idiot. After a moment of thought the Buddha rose once more, snapping her fingers. "Come! I have people I need to talk to." The boy trailed after her, following the goddess out of the garden. 

Gojyo finished shoveling the soil, whipping sweat from his forehead. He leaned onto the handle, biting down on his lower lip. "Sayonara Goku…" His whispered, a few tears mixing with the sweat that ran down his face. Hakkai had remained indoors, not wanting to watch the burial. Sanzo refused to leave his room, managing to do so with out speaking a single word. He heard a cry from inside, he ran back into the cabin. Nearly wrenching the door off its hinges, in his haste. 

Hakkai struggled with Sanzo, trying to pry the gun lose from the blonds hand. "Sanzo! STOP IT!" In a determined attempt he kicked the priest in the stomach sending the man to the floor. The half-breed stood in the doorway, looking upset.   
"What the hell happened?!?" Hakkai rubbed his arm sorely, looking down at his friend. Who remained on the floor, violet eyes were squeezed shut. And he refused to look up, clenching his hands angrily. "He found the gun…." The yokkai murmured quietly.Reaching down he hooked his arm with Sanzo's helping the man to his feet. All the fight seemed to have drained from him, and allowed himself to be pulled into the bedroom once more. Hakkai locked the door once more, sighing heavily. "Refresh my memory, how we are going to deal with this?" Gojyo asked, raising an eyebrow. 

****Look look! Things are looking up ne? ^_^;;;;;; ******


	5. OOOOOOOOOO

To follow in death

To follow in death

Part 5 ~ ooooooooo

By SW

** SHUDUP AND READ!**

The goddess nodded a few more times as she talked to the funny looking man, he couldn't really make out what they were talking about. Goku waited for the goddess to finish, she waved to him as she walked by. "Goku come!" He glared at her getting to his feet. "I'm not your pet yah know!"She didn't bother to turn around, speaking in a superior voice. "Yes, you are." All he could do was continue to growl and shoot nasty looks in her direction. "Now because of this little….Unexpected …turn of events. I had to pull some strings but I managed to cut a deal. You're going back." She kept walking, Goku bouncing along behind her. "HONTOU?!" The monkey wailed happily, she just nodded. "Yes, now I have final preparations to make. I just hope your friends can keep Konz-er-Sanzo from dieing." The boy blinked a few times, before running after her waving his arms frantically. "NANI?! Whadda mean dieing?!"She waved her hand dismissively. "Nothing! Don't worry your little head." 

Bosatsu circled the table, Goku gave her a puzzled look. Stopping she started concentrating, after a moment a body appeared on the table. The boy jumped in surprise, looking at the lifeless form with wide eyes. "I-Is that me?" The goddess nodded, circling the body with a thoughtful look. Finally she stopped and held her palms over the still figure, any sign of injury faded away. Dusting off her hands she stood up right. "There we go! Now…Goku go hold your hand." The boy blinked. "Nani?" Bosatsu sighed, motioning to the table. "Hold the hand!!!" "Erm ok…." Shuffling to the side of the dead boy, Goku blinked as he began to fade. "Wha-" "Your reentering your real body." Was her answer as he disappeared completely? The boy's form was still for a long moment, with a sudden jerk Goku's chest moved. Sucking in air and refilling formerly motionless lungs. He doubled over coughing and gasping, blinking repeatedly. "I'm alive?!" He managed out, the goddess sighed. "Well sort of…See I couldn't give you life permanently." The boy gave her a blank stare. "Look you can only live long enough to finish stopping the empress…Then after that, its back to being dead." He mused over this for a moment. "NANI??!?! NANDE?!!!?" She frowned.   
" Because I can only give you life temporally. Other wise I would be breaking a taboo."Gold eyes stared at her in distress. "T-temporary?" "Hai. But who knows how long that will be! And maybe I can swing something later." He sighed slumping down. "Come on I need to return you to your friends." The Buddha grabbed his arm, and they teleported away. 

Sanzo jumped at the sudden crash that came from behind him. Whirling around, violet eyes became impossibly wide. A boy was laying face down in the bed, looking up he glared angrily at the goddess who stood beside the wooden frame. "Did you have to drop me like that?!" He sputtered, looking very pissed off. "What ever." Was the disinterested answer. "G-G-Goku????"Sanzo looked very shocked, the boy eeped looking slightly panicked. "Uh …konnichi wa Sanzo!" Bosatsu pointed at the sweat-dropping boy. "I brought him back. Have fun kiddies! Ja ne!" With that said she disappeared. 

Goku glared at the spot were she had been standing. "Yeah leave me here to get yelled at!" He muttered, turning back to the slack jawed priest. "Um…….Gomen?" He smiled sheepishly, Sanzo opened and closed his mouth. "I'm dreaming aren't I…" Goku blinked in confusion. "No, I don't think so!" Sanzo moved closer to the bed. "I thought you said you wouldn't leave my side? You broke your promise…" The boy's head fell and he stared at the covers. "I didn't mean to…" Gold eyes flickered uncertainly, tears whelming. What was said next was almost to quiet for him to hear. "I…Missed you…" His head snapped up, looking rather owlish. "Nani?" The priest continued in an unsteady voice. "I want you to stay with me….Son Goku…..A-Ai shiteru….." Stumbling to get out the last part, a light blush coloring his cheeks. Goku stared in shock, trying to comprehend the sad excuse for a confession. He couldn't remember Sanzo EVER saying anything nice to him. Much less confessing that he loved him. Quickly deciding he should act now before the priest withdrew the former statement. He reached up and grabbed the back of Sanzo's head dragging him down. So their faces were only a few centimeters away." I had to die to hear you say that?" The blonds blush deepened, it seemed too surreal. Any second we was going to wake up. "Are you sure your real?" Sanzo asked leaning his forehead against the boys. Goku chuckled, smiling warmly. "Hai I'm sure." Sanzo's eyes closed for a moment. "You promise to never leave again?" Gold eyes darkened for a moment, should I tell him the truth. No I can't, just enjoy the time we have left. "Goku?" "Hai I promise!" The boy brightened once more. Sanzo smirked, violet eyes narrowing slightly. "Good! Now onto other matters…When I'm through with you heaven is going to look like hell." Promptly pinning Goku beneath him. "Oh is that promise?" The only answer Goku received was a breath-stealing kiss. 

The next morning~

Hakkai unlocked the door, pushing it open. His jaw fell….there were clothes scattered about the floor, and two familiar figures laying under the covers, sleeping contently. "WHAT THE HELL?!" 

~Owari

*** *Dances around like an idiot* ITS DONE!!!!!!!! NYA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U have no excuse to kill me anymore!!!!!!!! I don't have to live in fear any longer!!!! Amazing what resulted from a short that I wrote in a half an hour 0_0 kowaii *mutter* still pin some of this on Von! I CAN NOW RETURN TO WRITING FLUFF! *tears of joy* JA NE!


End file.
